How to Date in 2025

Set up a nice profile on Bumble. And by nice, I mean whatever you think is nice. As long as you add pictures of yourself, that will work.

Go on a few first dates with some of your matches.

After the third first date, delete your profile because no one you went out with is anywhere near an actual match. And I mean anywhere. If your dates were placed on a scatterplot which showed all the types of folks you could get along with, they would not even be able to fit on the graph of your type because they are so far from something that might work.

Download the same apps you have used in the past (Hinge and Bumble). Set them up again. Choose different prompts this time. And shoot, where were the photos that people were swiping right on? Oh well, any other images of you will work.

Download a third app that you never actually set up (The League). Sounds like a nice idea, but you already are doing project management that adds up to the amount of time a third job might take just trying to use the first two apps. Mental gymnastics occur as you swipe through potential partners in every free moment because you are an overachiever on your path to finding love.

Go on a few more first dates.

Oh, and by the way, he has a kid, but lied by omission and did not include that on his profile so now it feels weird that he said he loved that you were easygoing and you probably would not care about this lie because your profile said you were easygoing so why are you not being easygoing about me having a surprise child!!!